I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I deserve this hangover.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
