At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
