you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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