there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
