i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize