I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
