a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
