1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
