if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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