I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
