Umm I'm too high to move.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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