how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
