whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
