GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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