And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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