i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
