I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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