I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
