If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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