Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
