i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
