hotel room ftw
I smell stomach acid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
only you would photoshop your dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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