Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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