No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
