In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i love accidental penises.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
