can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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