I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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