I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
