Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
