You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
