I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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