I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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