dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
