First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
