I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
