The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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