i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
