you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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