Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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