I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
