we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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