the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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