And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
