If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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