I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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