Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
