She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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