My first STD was from a foam party
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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