There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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