are you still at the devil's house?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
