The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
