We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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