yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
