its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do herpes really smell.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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