Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We are two peas in an std pod
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
