i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
