oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
