Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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