I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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