also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
