shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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