Who wears a wallet chain?!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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