i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
