If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize