dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
