Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
