I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
