My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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