he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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