Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
