Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
